Dear Blog Readers:
Winston Churchill once said "when you are going through hell...keep going." That is exactly what my sweet missionary has been doing... and continues to do. But, at some point, there has to be a reckoning, a point where the price is too high. And Kolton has just about arrived at that point.
Anyone who has been reading this blog for the last few weeks had to have noticed that Kolton has been sick. But, what you don't see is that I edit the emails that we get from him. The 'too-personal' things I hold back. I do this to protect him and to ensure that he continues to allow us to be his sounding board. So, what you haven't heard is that he is more than just sick. Over the last month, Kolton has progressed from a missionary loving Japan to one that has continual migraines. Who can no longer eat anything and, thus, lost 30 pounds. Who can't sleep at night and who passes out on his bike during the day. Who has continued to battle and fight to stay in Japan, and has kept saying "One more week...I think that I can make it through one more week." But, your body is a funny thing...it can only take so much before it starts to crumble.
We have encouraged Kolton, for the last few weeks, to go see his mission president and he finally was able to do so last Tuesday. The next thing we know, we are on the phone with the Kobe mission doctor. Kolton has been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety along with his exhaustion, migraines, and sleep deprivation. Did the depression come first or the other stuff? We have no idea. What we do know is that we have one sick kid. The doctor said that he was surprised that he has been able to keep going for so long under such severe duress. Most would have packed it in long ago.
Next, we were able to talk to President Zinke. The one statement that stunned both Rick and I was when he said "the boy that arrived in Japan three months ago is not the boy that sat in my office". He has deteriorated that much.
After talking to President Zinke, we were able to talk to Kolton. It had to have been the most gut wrenching conversation that we have ever had with anyone. Our big, strong son sobbing like his heart was breaking. Because, of course, it was. He wants so desperately to stay, to do what he promised the Lord that he would do. He is one kid that has always set his mind to very difficult goals, ones that others wouldn't even attempt, and plowed through to the finish line. Out of 360 kids in his high school, he was one of only two that received their associates, he is one of only a handful of 3rd degree black belts, he (and Andrew, too) is one of the 35 people who remain in the Bioengineering program out of the 160 that started the beginning of the year. He doesn't give up easily. He still doesn't want to give up but sometimes your body and mind have other plans. And, maybe the Lord has other plans, too.
So, now what? He wants to keep fighting one more week at a time. One of the problems is getting him help. While Japan is a Westernized country, their view of Westernized medicine is 40 years behind ours. Simple decongestants are illegal, along with many of our over the counter drugs, so it leaves little help in the way of prescription medication. He is able to get a few things that may help him but we don't know if they will be enough. My sister was able, through the blessing of President Zinke, to call Kolton and talk with him, since she is a mental health therapist and has skills. I think that she was shocked when she found him considerably worst than she anticipated.
All of this may be too little, too late. According to President Zinke "This isn't an issue of morality, this isn't an issue of faith, this isn't an issue of desire to serve. He has a tremendous desire to serve. This is an issue of being severely injured. Unfortunately, most of the injuries, you cannot see." So, if they can't get a handle on this, they will have to issue a medical release and he will have to come home in order to receive treatment.
If he has to come home, we would ask that you give him all the support and love that he will need. His return would not of his own choosing, but one of medical necessity. Rick and I both feel that he has laid his mental and physical body on the alter of the Lord, and I don't think that our Heavenly Father could or would ask any more of him than that. He is coming home a shadow of the person that he was when he left.
In the meantime, please pray for him to receive both the strength and peace that he needs. Thank you all for the support of our cute boy.
With love,
Jillyn
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