Halloween Party

Hey Family,

 It has been another tough week.

 About a week ago, we received a new way to plan for our lessons from the Zone leaders.  We have been trying to plan all of our lessons this way, but it is taking up so much time.  It now takes roughly 2 1/2 hours to plan for one lesson and we had 5 lessons last week.  I, also, haven`t been able to exercise for the last couple of days, due to the Sabbath and a couple of typhoons ripping through.  It just seems like I am stuck inside, because I am unable to exercise outside, then we study for 3 hours, have lunch, then plan for a lesson for 2 and 1/2 hours.  By the time we are done with all of that, then it is like 3:00 and we still haven`t done anything for the day. Frustrating.

We mostly have just been having lessons with K. Kyodai.  He is a really interesting guy.  I won`t tell you everything, but in our last lesson, we had a church member with us, A. Kyodai, and we were explaining about 3 Nephi 17.  All of sudden he, K. Kyodai, got really agitated.  He was rocking back and forth looking really angry.  I genuinely thought that he was going to punch the church member right in the face during the middle of the lesson.  When we asked him what was wrong, he told us that he thought that the translation for a certain word was wrong and the wrong word for 'mercy' was used in a passage.  He continued to become more and more agitated until we had to share with him a scripture about contention being of the devil before he calmed down a little bit.  It was silly that he got so worked up, but I am grateful that he didn`t punch the church member in the face.

Well, I hope that everyone had a great time at Disneyland it sounds like it was really fun and I hope that you had a great birthday, Elizabeth!  I really miss the nice California weather.  It has been getting really cold here in Japan lately and I have had to bust out my winter gear a little bit.  I am sure that it is going to get freezing soon, though.  I want Elizabeth to know that it was getting so cold last week that I had to break down and buy a scarf and I have worn it a couple of times since then.

Madisen, are you really liking Hello Kitty stuff?  Hello Kitty is kinda like the 'Wheres Waldo"  of Japan.  No matter where you look while walking around, if you look hard enough there is probably something Hello Kitty related close by.  You have to look hard though or else you won`t be able to see it.  I hope that work for you and Vic will ease up in a little bit, but until then take care.  By the way, I don`t care if you are boring, I just love to hear from my Big Sis.

The best part of this week, though, was probably when we went to a Halloween Party put on by the ward.  It was really fun and I wore a great costume.  I just picked up a 100 Yen costume mask at a Daiso and the costume was a mask of a Duck.  I will let you see the pictures, but I was a Duck, Elder Steers was a Chicken, Elder Rasmusen was a Monkey, and Elder Brader was a Phantom.  It was pretty fun and they had a couple of games too.  They even had a Pokemon game that I played.  We played a hide and seek game with all the little kids too.  We had to find a hiding spot and if the little kids found us, we had to play Jon Kenpo with them for them to win candy.  To conclude the night, the little kids got to smash some pinatas with candy in them.  If even one little piece of candy fell out of the pinata, then every single little kid, all 30 of them, would dive to the middle of the circle where the person hitting the pinata was at.  I just felt a little bad for Elder Steers because he had to coordinate with a bunch of hyped up kids on sugar swinging a big stick around!

Thank you for sending package, by the way.  It was really nice to get some American candy and some more stuff.  I think that for P-Day today, myself and Elder Steers are going to go and do some more shopping while Elder Brader and Elder Rasmusen are going to Costco and poking around in there.  I hope that we can find something really cool in a Recycle Shop.  I don`t know if I have told you or not, but Recycle Shops are one of the best things in Japan.  It is like a Pawn Shop almost, but way cheaper, more fun, crazier, and Asian like.  You would have to step inside of one to understand.  They are really fun, but sometimes you have to be careful.

Everyone has been asking me how I am doing and the answer is the same -still not so good.  The vivid dreams have almost passed away - I think that I am really close for them being over.  I am just trying to do my best to keep going through this day.  Aunt Pat sent me a poem that I keep reading over and over again, though.  The poem is Milton`s Blindness.  The final line always strikes me, `They also serve who only stand and wait.`  That is only what I can try and do, stand and wait.  I can`t really handle doing too much else, so I am pushing myself to try and stand and wait.  Standing and waiting goes against how I have lived my life thus far, but I am trying.

I love you all and everything that you have been sending me.  Please continue to write the great emails.  I will talk to you all again next week.

Love,

Elder Klein

Little kids, Final Fantasy, and Being Tall

Happy Face. I know that he is still struggling but he does look better.

Hi Family,

So, it has been another week and it has passed by really slow.  From the sounds of your letters, you know from Aunt Pat that I haven`t been sleeping very well.  It is just lately that I have very vivid nightmares at night that have been sticking to me like a plague for the last week.  I haven`t been able to get a decent amount of sleep for the last week, so I am always tired.  I think that I will ask for a priesthood blessing tonight to help me sleep better.  But, the talks with Aunt Pat have helped.  She really is nice and kind and it is great to hear a voice of help and reason.  You are just surrounded by missionaries all the time, so it is hard to keep being you.  It is a weird thing, but the longer you have been a missionary, the more people try to stuff into your head that THIS is what you need to be thinking like, what kind of person you need to be, and anything else is not ok.  

But, as for interesting things that have happened this week, we had the chance to sing to a bunch of little kids.  So, one of the church members around here, named A. Shimai, who is from America, teaches at a Preschool where the children learn in a pure English environment.  Halloween is around the corner and they were planning a party for the little kids.  So, as part of their party, they invited us to do a little performance for the little kids, namely, singing.  So, we practiced like 10 minutes beforehand, then, with only our voices and a little ukulele in tow, we went into the school to sing.  I don`t know how A. Shimai can put up with it all day, the kids were so excited to see huge Gaijin in their little school.  They all sat around us with the four of us missionaries in the front of the play room.  We sang Keep the Commandments, Popcorn Popping, Walk in the Light, and I am a Child of God.  All the workers and little kids were clapping and giggling while we were singing, though. Then, they asked for us to get a picture with the little kids - which was a crazy idea since about 40 little kids just ran to get a picture with us!  I really want to get that picture from A. Shimai as soon as possible so I can send it to you.

Well, I also had the opportunity to find a really cool guy this week to teach.  His name is H. Kyodai.  He looks, as Steers choro puts it, straight out of Final Fantasy.  He really is cool though, he is a programming major at a local tech school.  We gave him a church tour in which he told us that he felt something really special when we prayed right in front of the baptismal font.  Right after, he said that we wanted to be baptized.  It was really fun and I can`t wait to meet him again on Tuesday for our 3rd lesson with him.

We also had Zone Training this week.  It was ok, but I think that I like my last Zone better.  I don`t know if I have told you but up in Hirakata, we are our own District.  Yes, just the four of us.  I have yet to experience a District meeting but what would we do in ways of announcements?  We tell each other everything anyway.  But, it seems like we are in a very weird situation.  We are in our own District with the four of us and we are part of the Osaka zone, even though we are smack dab in the middle of the Osaka North zone.  It makes no sense, but that is missionary work for you.  Anyways, we had Zone Training this week and I had the opportunity to meet some of the other missionaries in our zone.  I have to tell you of a story of an elder.  So, I was talking to the zone leaders and they told me that I was a really big guy and asked how tall I am.  I responded that I was 6`4`` and this one Elder, who was standing a little bit away, got really annoyed that I said that.  He was really tall and lanky kind of guy and he said that there was no way that I was 6'4 because he was TOTALLY taller than I was and he was only 6'3.  At this point, I am leaning on a wall and kind of slouching.  He needed to prove that he was taller than me so he asked me to stand back to back.  I stood up back to back and stood up straight.  Everyone said that I was at least an inch taller than him and then he got really annoyed and wouldn`t talk to me for the rest of the zone training.  I don`t know why I felt I needed to share that but I thought it was pretty Omoshiroii.

  Halloween is also coming up.  Halloween isn`t a big deal here in Japan, only the stores use Halloween stuff so that they can increase their sales, but that is about it.  Our ward, though, is having a Halloween party this week and it should be really fun.  We having been inviting everyone we have been meeting to come to it and it will be really cool.

As for stuff that needs to be sent over to me in Japan.  I think that I am pretty good, maybe put a little bit of money in my bank account, instead, so I can buy cool things over here.  There is a lot of cool and wacky stuff that you can buy here in Japan.

As for the pictures of me, I will try and work on that.  I have been going through my pictures and have realized that I don`t have a lot of pictures with me in them.  I will send you a picture today of me last P-Day and the last time I taught Eikaiwa (English class) in Otsu.  

Well, I think that is about it.  We wanted to go to a place called Nara today for P-Day, but we didn`t get permission to go.  We will try again next week, but I think that instead we will go shopping for some stuff.  I need to buy a nice scarf and sock-tie today and well as a G-Shock.  I don`t know if you know this, but every Kobe missionary needs to have a G-Shock and a sock-tie.  It is part of the rules.  It is starting to get cold as well.  Starting next week, it is suit season for Elders and we have to wear a suit all the time, dang.  

I want to let you all know that I extremely appreciate your loving words of support.  I am trying to get through each day one step at a time.  Keep sending the encouraging words of support, I really do need them right now.  I am trying to send you positive things instead of negative things in my emails, because I think that you hear enough about it from Aunt Pat.  Keep sending great emails and pictures.

Love,

Elder Klein

English Class in Otsu.
Taken the first part of October.

Because I am an unrepentant blogstalker, I found this  picture of Kolton on a sister missionary's blog,
(she was in Kolton's last district (Otsu))  It was taken the the first week in October, I believe.  So stinkin' cute.
Dang. I love that kid.

Taking off the cape....

Dear Blog Readers,

    It's me again.  Sorry that I missed posting last week.  Honestly, it was so emotionally raw that there was little that I could pick out of Kolton's email  that would be ok for me to publically post.
 
      First of all, I want to thank all the family members that have reached out to us on Kolton's behalf.  It is nice to know that he has support.  Unfortunately, all missions (and life, in general) don't go the way that we have come to expect.  We have appreciated all of the tearful conversations that we have had with many of you in the last two weeks.  Thank you.

    Here is the latest update.  Kolton has been transferred to Hirakata, which is just outside of Osaka, Japan's second largest city.  He has received a new companion, which was essential to Kolton's well being. He is living in the old Osaka mission home with his companion and another companionship, which consists of Elder Steers - one of Kolton's roommates in the MTC.  His new companion, Elder Rasmusen, has been handpicked by his mission president, so we know that he will be a good match for the problems that Kolton has been having.

    Kolton was able to receive some medication and it has helped him with the physical aspects of depression but hasn't received much relief from the depression, itself.  He committed that he would stay through last weeks transfer, in an effort to allow the medicine time to work and, also, to possibly receive a companion that could help him through this. He must feel very safe with Elder Rasmusen because he has, now, said that he is going to try to get through this next six weeks. At this point, he is just kicking the rock down the road and willing himself to make it to that point.

    This is nothing short of miraculous -  we thought that we would have a kid coming home this week.  Actually, most of the aspects of this whole experience have been miraculous.  Having a mission president that has been pro-active and attentive has been a miracle.  Getting any kind of medicine in Japan has been a miracle.  My sister being able to get permission to do therapy over the phone twice a week has been a miracle. Getting a companion that is willing to take a sick kid under his wing is a miracle.  But, the biggest miracle has been Kolton, digging so deep and be willing to work so hard to try to get better while the depression is constantly screaming at him to just go home to get better.  He said this past week, in a therapy session with Pat, that he has to take off his cape.  Kolton has always been an overachiever.  He has done things that required so much work and effort that few people were willing to attempt it. This has been a blessing in the past, but it is his curse now. He feels that he now has to, in order to get better, lower his expectations of himself. To be average. To take of his superhero cape...but, truly, in my eyes, he has never been more of a hero.

    Before I post this, I need to thank my sister for putting my son at the forefront of her life.  She had the skills and training to help him when no one else did.  Kolton loves her and trusts her and, we knew, if anyone could help him, Pat could. So, thank you, sis.

    Kolton is not out of the woods, yet.  He has a lot to overcome and it still may not be possible to treat this fully while he is on a mission.  But, he is definitely on a good path with many good people helping him.  Please keep him in your prayers -they are working.  We love and appreciate you and your concern for our boy.

Love, Jillyn

My mountain to climb

Hi Family,

So the transfer and quite a bit has happened.

So, after I got my transfer notice, I we went home so that I could pack for the transfer.  I packed all the stuff that I could within 2 days and shipped it off.  I went to some of my favorite places for one last time, including The Dirty, Ishiyamadera Temple, and a beach along Lake Biwa.  After all this, we learned that we still had a lot to do for the new sisters that were coming into the area.  They still needed someone to sign the rental contract, get the keys, and to get all of the furnishings into the apartment.  Guess who would be doing all of that?  So we had to go to the Real Estate Office and hear a long talk in Japanese about what we could and couldn`t do with the apartment.  I didn`t understand any of it because it was in super honorific Japanese.

After that, they stopped by and gave us the keys to the apartment and basically told us "Good Luck".  The Mission Office set up a time for us to be at the apartment so that we could have people stop by and turn on the gas and get necessary furnishings (like a refrigerator) into the apartment.  We stopped by the apartment (which is a lock out apartment that needs you to have a key to get into the apartment complex in the first place) and tried to punch in the code that opens the door to the apartment (it is a number pad lock with a code).  Unfortunately, the Real Estate office told us the wrong code number and we had a bunch of people about to come from Eon (an electronic/furnishings store like Sears).  We had to desperately try every combination that we could think of until we finally guessed the right combination with them arriving just 2 minutes after we figured it out.

We let them furnish the place and set everything up and called the Mission Office like 50 times within a 2 hour period, but we got it done.  We even went by with the Bishop later at night to finish everything up for the sisters.  I can say with all honesty though that it is true that the sisters get special treatment in the mission.  They get a refrigerator that is easily twice as big as ours and they get a system in their shower where a fan goes off so that mold doesn`t grow, while the Elders apartment is overrun by mold.

Another Typhoon happened in Otsu right before I left.  It was pretty bad, heavy rain and everything, but it was really bad because I had already shipped off my clothes to Hirakata and had nothing else to change into for a couple of days.  So, my clothes were completely soaked through and I was just praying that I wouldn`t have a cold on transfer day.  While I did feel really weak in the afternoon of the typhoon, I didn`t get a cold, so that was good.

Transfer Day happened and I went down to Sannomiya in Kobe to meet my new companion.  His name is Elder Rasmusen.  He is really nice and is from Canada.  He is a experienced missionary so that helps with the pressure a lot.  We came to Hirakata and I met Elder Steers again.  It was good to see him even though I am not feeling very well.  We started Weekly Planning session and there was a point where Elder Steers and his companion, Elder Broder, were gone.  I told Elder Rasmusen almost everything that has been going on.  I left out the problems with my last companion, but I did tell him that I have major depression.  He is really understanding and that if I ever need help or to talk to him about it then he is completely open, which helps a bit.

Another thing that happened is that we watched Conference this weekend because it is delayed in Japan.  I liked it, and it was great to hear Elder Hollands talk.

The most interesting thing that has happened this week, though, was when we were going to go visit a referral from one of the members.  The referral is the daughter of one of the members and we were told that we could go and visit her.  So, last night, we decided to go and street along the way.  We met one interesting person after another. I have quickly learned, since I got here, that very unusual people live in Osaka.  Anyways, after contacting people all the way there we finally made our way to the referrals house.  It was in a little tiny alleyway that was barely lit up.  We checked that the address was okay and it was, but the name was wrong.  Confused about whether or not this was the right house, we decided to ring the doorbell anyway.  We rang and this woman picks us and speaks to us over the intercom.  We explain that we are missionaries and friends of her mother and want to meet her.  She keeps asking who we are and we keep explaining our names and why we are there.  She asks us who we are about 15 times and she becomes more panicked each time.  Finally, she says that she is calling the police and hangs up.  We look at each in disbelief that the police will come.  So, we hang around trying to figure out whether or not it is the right house or not.  Then, we heard sirens.  We looked at each other and then got on our bikes and started biking away from the sirens.  We stopped and rationalized that we had done nothing wrong and that it would be better to talk to the police and clear up the misunderstanding.   So, we bike back.  We meet two police officers right when they arrive near the house in this little alleyway.  We explain who we are and what we were trying to do.  They asked for our Resident Alien Cards (Gaijin Cards) and while we were clearing everything up 10 more police officers arrived.  So, there were 12 policeman hanging around this 30 foot radius around this person`s house.  The 4th guy to arrive pulls up and says, `Ah, Morumonkyo, naru hodo.`  Which means, `Ah the Mormons, I see.`  We admitted it and were about to leave after everything was cleared up.  Seeing that 12 policemen were around us, Elder Rasmusen said in Japanese, `Oh, by the way officers, next Sunday we have church services if you want to attend.`  We all laughed and went on our way.  Pretty interesting huh.  At least I have a story to tell now.

Well, the medication is starting to help my appetite and sleeping so that is good, but the panic attacks and depression are still constantly there.  Aunt Pat has really helped me with the therapy so I know what I need to do to try and get better.   She really is amazing.  I talked with Zinke kaicho today, though.  He told me some stuff that we could do to relieve the pressure.  I said, at the end that I thought about what we talked about in our last phone call.  Last phone call, he asked me if I could try and make it through one more transfer and I told him that I needed to go home as soon as possible.  I told him, today, that, after thinking about it, I am willing to try and get through one more transfer, 6 more weeks and see how it goes.  I told him that that might change, but that is what I am willing to do.  I cannot promise that I will stay after the 6 weeks but I think I might try and stay for 6 more weeks.  I might change my mind later on in the transfer, but I am going to try my hardest.  This is my Mountain to Climb.

I love you all and I love the mail that you send to me.  I am struggling every day, hour, and minute, but I feel your prayers and the grace of God keeping everything from falling apart inside of me.

Love you all,

Elder Klein

Making lemonade...

Dear Blog Readers:

     Winston Churchill once said "when you are going through hell...keep going."  That is exactly what my sweet missionary has been doing... and continues to do.  But, at some point, there has to be a reckoning, a point where the price is too high.  And Kolton has just about arrived at that point.

       Anyone who has been reading this blog for the last few weeks had to have noticed that Kolton has been sick.  But, what you don't see is that I edit the emails that we get from him.  The 'too-personal' things I hold back.  I do this to protect him and to ensure that he continues to allow us to be his sounding board.  So, what you haven't heard is that he is more than just sick.  Over the last month, Kolton has progressed from a missionary loving Japan to one that has continual migraines.  Who can no longer eat anything and, thus, lost 30 pounds.  Who can't sleep at night and who passes out on his bike during the day.  Who has continued to battle and fight to stay in Japan, and has kept saying "One more week...I think that I can make it through one more week."  But, your body is a funny thing...it can only take so much before it starts to crumble.

    We have encouraged Kolton, for the last few weeks, to go see his mission president and he finally was able to do so last Tuesday.  The next thing we know, we are on the phone with the Kobe mission doctor.  Kolton has been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety along with his exhaustion, migraines, and sleep deprivation.  Did the depression come first or the other stuff?  We have no idea.  What we do know is that we have one sick kid.  The doctor said that he was surprised that he has been able to keep going for so long under such severe duress.  Most would have packed it in long ago.

   Next, we were able to talk to President Zinke.  The one statement that stunned both Rick and I was when he said "the boy that arrived in Japan three months ago is not the boy that sat in my office".  He has deteriorated that much.

     After talking to President Zinke, we were able to talk to Kolton.  It had to have been the most gut wrenching conversation that we have ever had with anyone.  Our big, strong son sobbing like his heart was breaking.  Because, of course, it was.  He wants so desperately to stay, to do what he promised the Lord that he would do.  He is one kid that has always set his mind to very difficult goals, ones that others wouldn't even attempt, and plowed through to the finish line.  Out of 360 kids in his high school, he was one of only two that received their associates, he is one of only a handful of 3rd degree black belts,  he (and Andrew, too) is one of the 35 people who remain in the Bioengineering program out of the 160 that started the beginning of the year.  He doesn't give up easily.  He still doesn't want to give up but sometimes your body and mind have other plans.  And, maybe the Lord has other plans, too.

    So, now what?  He wants to keep fighting one more week at a time.  One of the problems is getting him help.  While Japan is a Westernized country, their view of Westernized medicine is 40 years behind ours.  Simple decongestants are illegal, along with many of our over the counter drugs, so it leaves little help in the way of prescription medication.  He is able to get a few things that may help him but we don't know if they will be enough.  My sister was able, through the blessing of President Zinke, to call Kolton and talk with him, since she is a mental health therapist and has skills.  I think that she was shocked when she found him considerably worst than she anticipated.

    All of this may be too little, too late.  According to President Zinke "This isn't an issue of morality, this isn't an issue of faith, this isn't an issue of desire to serve. He has a tremendous desire to serve. This is an issue of being severely injured.  Unfortunately, most of the injuries, you cannot see."  So, if they can't get a handle on this, they will have to issue a medical release and he will have to come home in order to receive treatment.

     If he has to come home, we would ask that you give him all the support and love that he will need.  His return would not of his own choosing, but one of medical necessity.  Rick and I both feel that he has laid his mental and physical body on the alter of the Lord, and I don't think that our Heavenly Father could or would ask any more of him than that.  He is coming home a shadow of the person that he was when he left.

    In the meantime, please pray for him to receive both the strength and peace that he needs.  Thank you all for the support of our cute boy.

With love,
Jillyn